How often do you date your spouse?

This question really got me.  Every time I saw my doctor, she would ask how Brad’s and my dates were going.  (And this came before all the other seemingly medically pertinent questions!)

But that wasn’t even the best part.  She actually threw in the word – weekly.  There were many times I just laughed.

At the time, the kids were just babies.  It was difficult to leave the room without them having a mini-meltdown or chasing after one of us!  So, for her to suggest actually leaving the house to go on a date… I just couldn’t imagine it!

Granted, Brad and I would go on the occasional date – certainly not weekly – but it was time alone, nonetheless.  I remember once when we had gone out to a quick dinner, and then stopped at Wal-Mart to pick up some groceries on our way home.  We joke about our Wal-Mart date to this day!

In Florida, it was much more difficult because we had no family to watch the kids.  So, when we wanted a night out, it was an extra $30-50 for a babysitter! Needless to say, our dating life became pretty nonexistent.

Why Date Your Spouse?

It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him.                                                                                    Genesis 2:18

After moving back up north, our minister, Joel, talked about how he and his wife had instituted a weekly date night.  My ears perked up as this was something I was sure I had heard before.  He shared about how they were committed to blocking out one night a week/weekend to go out on a date.

This sounded pretty amazing to me.  I imagined just Brad and me spending time together – away from the kids – and to reconnect and just BE.  Every time we do go out we always say we need to do it more often.

It makes so much sense to me.  We need to spend time alone together and talk and laugh as a couple.  I get the why it’s just not always as easy to figure out the how…

How to Date Your Spouse

I know every couple and household is different, but here are three ways Brad and I have been able to get in some more date nights recently.

 1.  Put it on the calendar

I don’t know about your house, but in our house – if it’s not on the calendar, it just doesn’t happen!  (Please refer to my love of  planning post…) If we don’t actually schedule in a date, the time gets filled.  Now, I’m not saying that our date night trumps everything else, it just needs to be looked at as a priority, TOO.  Way too often, we have put our relationship lower on the list, (if it even made the list), and that has caused struggles between us.

2.  Stay in or close to home

Sometimes we don’t feel like going “out” on a date.  Maybe we are trying to watch the budget (check out my post about finances here!) and don’t want to go out to dinner, so we stay closer to home.  My doctor would suggest walks or going out on the deck or front step and just talk.  She said it just needed to be somewhere the kids weren’t!  While we love our children, they do make it rather difficult to carry on a conversation.

Some friends from church frequently have a date night in their house.  They get some takeout and rent a movie they’ve been wanting to watch.   Their kids are either already sleeping, or have been given instructions to hang out with each other upstairs for a while.  This gives our friends a couple of hours to talk, eat, and watch a movie – without interruptions! (Or at least WAY fewer than normal…)

3.  Swap Kids (and not at the same time!)

Again – we love our kids and don’t want to get rid of nor exchange them for others.  However, another couple from church have children about the same ages as ours.  A while ago, they asked if we would want to swap kids every now and then.  So far, it has been really easy, and very nice!

Here is how it works – one night, we take our kids to their house for a sleepover, and another night, we get their kids for an overnight.  Not only are both couples benefitting from a night out without paying a babysitter, our children are all becoming great friends!

Now, Go Date Your Spouse!

In the end, it is just important to get some time alone with your spouse – regardless of how it comes about or whatever it looks like.  A time to reconnect, talk through challenges you’ve been having with the kids or in other areas of your lives. Be each other’s best friend.

Two are better than one, because they have good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.  But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.                                                                                                  Ecclesiastes 4:9

We need a partner.  Everything is better when we work together.  Now and then, each of us needs a helping hand.  We need to prioritize and value highly the relationship we have with our spouse.  It is a commandment, after all…

My command is this:  Love each other as I have loved you.                                                                                                                   John 15:12

Your Thoughts

How do you date your spouse?  What other tips and tricks do you have that could help the rest of us get out and date on a more regular basis?  I’d love to hear from you!