Valentine’s Day is almost here! So far, I’ve written about two of the four types of love – Storge, the love between family members and groups of people, and Phileo, the love between friends. The next type of love is Eros love – the love between a man and a woman.

Eros love. This, I think, is the love most people think about when they hear the L-word. It is the romantic love that God gave us as a gift to be enjoyed within a marriage.

Eros Love according to CS Lewis

C.S. Lewis, in The Four Loves American Radio Broadcasts, provided a great explanation of Eros love. In this video, his radio talk was used for the basis for an artist to illustrate the meaning of this type of love. The video provided many insights into Eros love and how it is involved in relationships.

Lewis touched on a lot of the components that make up Eros love in his broadcast. He stated that, much like Phileo love, Eros is a selfless love. It places another person and their wants and needs before your own.

But the biggest distinction he made was that Eros was being in love. He stated that some people expect being in love to be exactly like falling in love. However, once they are actually in love, and the initial butterflies and wonderful newness and excitement of it all starts to fade, they don’t know what to do.

Falling in love is something that happens to us. Being in love is something we do.

Love by itself will not keep us in love – or not for very long.

C.S. Lewis

Staying in love takes effort. It takes work. Not every day will be filled with roses and happiness. Yet, some people expect that to be true. So, when there is a bump in the road or life throws a curve, they are lost and confused.

But, not every marriage ends in divorce, so how does love last once that initial excitement ebbs and things get real and hard?

Through the grace of God.

Eros Love According to Strong – or not…

While I appreciated Lewis’s explanation of Eros love, I decided once again to take out my Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible: With Greek and Hebrew Dictionaries. (You can get a similar one here.)

And, I found nothing. No mention of Eros is in the Bible. I actually knew that, but I thought there would be some form of it, perhaps.

As it turns out, this is a very heated topic. In all the research I have done, there is a pretty evenly split group – one side feels that Eros love is a positive thing relating to the love in marriage, while the other side feels that it is the lowest type of love; only focused on carnal desires.

The 2 Sides of Eros?

I can see how focusing on your own desires is a problem. And, with the world being as it is, with the word “love” being thrown around haphazardly and being used as a tool to get what one wants, I get it. And, this isn’t a problem only in today’s world. Paul warned about promiscuity and the dangers of succumbing to these types of sin in 1 Corinthians.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

1 corinthians 6:18 niv

So, yes. I can see how that side can jump to feeling Eros love can be selfish and focused on our own desires.

But, is that really Eros love, then?

We were also given one of the most romantic books ever written – The Song of Solomon. This poem illustrates the love between a man and a woman. As my Life Application Bible so succinctly states, it is an “intimate story of a man and a woman, of their love, courtship, and marriage.”

Seal me in your heart with permanent betrothal, for love is strong as death and jealousy is as cruel as Sheol. It flashes fire, the very flame of Jehovah. Many waters cannot quench the flame of love, neither can the floods drown it. If a man tried to buy it with everything he owned, he couldn’t do it.

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 lAB

This doesn’t feel one-sided and selfish to me. Reading through this book again, I could feel the love between them. There was mutual affection and esteem for one another.

What I learned, and am still learning…

I am drawn back to Lewis’s description of Eros’s true meaning of being in love. Yes, I am physically attracted to my husband and I love him, but I am also in love with him. His appearance will change over the years, and we have had – and will have – some rough patches, but I will always be in love with him – for HIM – not because of what he does for me or how he loves me.

While there are two schools of thought on this topic, I think it’s like most things out there. If people take something God-given and twist it into something that is driven by our sinful natures, it is no longer the beautiful thing God intended. Just like the Garden of Eden. When God provided that paradise for man to live, Adam and Eve fell into sin ~ followed their own desires and ate the apple, and were no longer able to enjoy what God had given them.

I believe it can be the same with Eros love. If we use it the way God intended – pure, selfless, giving, and with His help – it is an amazing gift. It is only when we take Him out of the equation and start focusing on us and using our limited capabilities that it becomes the lowest of the loves.

Your Thoughts?

This was definitely a harder post than I thought it would be! I hadn’t realized there was another side that feels so strongly against Eros love. What’s your opinion? I’d love to hear what you think! Can’t wait to hear from all of you!