Last week, we celebrated my parents’ 49th wedding anniversary. 49 years. That is impressive to me. With the exception of my grandparents who were married for over 72 years, my parents have the longest marriage of anyone I have personally known.
Then, on Saturday, we attended a wedding of a couple at church. As I watched their faces throughout the ceremony, I saw the joy and love just emanating from them.
So, I started thinking about the journey of a married couple. Every couple pretty much starts out the same way… They look into each other’s eyes with love and hope and excitement. They have great visions of how their life together will play out. And, I’ll bet that while they’re standing together, saying their vows, they are not planning on becoming “another statistic” and have their marriage end in divorce.
What’s the Secret?
In today’s world, it seems as though a couple is “lucky” if they make it past the first hurdle of five years. If they’re still running strong then, the next major bump in the road that can trip them up is around 25 years. That’s usually about the time all the kids are out of the house and it’s just the husband and wife once again.
Then, the married couple hits the 30-year mark. This is usually the time other people start to really notice them and their successful relationship. Once the onlookers realize this couple has a marriage that is still cruising around the track, they really start to notice them. This fan base will generally try to gather any marital advice and words of wisdom this amazing couple has to offer.
So, when my parents celebrated 49 years of marriage last week, guess who was there as one of their biggest fans – just waiting to hear whatever tidbit they would impart?? Yep. Me.
Ready for it?
Choice.
That’s it.
Honestly, I was hoping for a bit more. More words. More explanation. Just…more.
And, then, I started thinking about that word – choice – and I realized that one word holds so many more…
What is Choice?
I looked up choice, and its definition is:
an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.
Every day we face myriad choices.
Should I get up or snooze one more time…Red shirt or blue shirt…Oatmeal or Lucky Charms…Drive or walk…Forgive or hold on to it…
But, those are pretty easy decisions when it comes right down to it.
It gets more difficult when others are brought into the equation – when the choices and decisions I make affect them.
But, before I can look at how my choices affect my relationships with others around me, I first need to think about my relationship with God. There are many choices that need to be made with Him, as well…
Pray for guidance or just do it on my own…Quiet time or sleep in…Read the Bible or watch TV…
Does God give us a choice?
Absolutely. Even after the greatest commandments in Matthew 22, the next verse states
All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets stem from these two laws and are fulfilled if you obey them. Matthew 22:40 LAB (emphasis mine)
So, we really do have a choice. Jesus could have said, “when you obey them,” but he didn’t.
Or, this passage in Deuteronomy when Moses was talking about the Ten Commandments ~
I call heaven and earth to witness against you that today I have set before you life or death, blessing or curse. Oh, that you would choose life; that you and your children might live! Choose to love the Lord your God and to obey him and to cling to him for he is your life and the length of your days… Deuteronomy 30: 19-20 LAB (emphasis mine)
God gave us free will to ultimately do as we choose.
So, if we have a choice to obey Him or not, or to love Him or not, can we really translate that into our relationship with our spouse?
I think so.
Granted, there could be extenuating circumstances in cases of abuse and harmful behaviors. But, for the run of the mill marital and relationship problems, I honestly believe it boils down to the choices that we make.
Choose Wisely
Choose to love. Not always the easiest to do. But, Jesus said to, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” in Matthew 5:44 NIV. I know I definitely need the help of the Holy Spirit in order to even come close to loving my enemies.
But, when I think of how a choice can impact my relationships and marriage, I can almost get overwhelmed at the effect of just one decision.
Every time I see a friend, or my children, or my husband do something I’m not crazy about, I have a choice. I can dwell on it and perseverate on it until it changes my whole feelings toward that person.
Or…
I can deal with it and move on. Sometimes “dealing” means talking through an issue or problem. Other times, some action might be needed. But, most of the time, it means letting it go and moving past it.
I need to remember Paul’s words to the Philippians ~
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
I know I have written about this verse before (in Grateful for Gratitude, Prayer Up, and Have a GOOD Day), but it is such an important message. And, I feel it relates perfectly with choice.
We all have a choice about what we think about. Paul wouldn’t be suggesting things that are noble, right, pure, lovely, or admirable if those were our only options.
Nope.
We could definitely choose to think about dishonorable, wrong, impure, unpleasant, or unworthy things.
And, in doing so, we would be forming our thoughts and actions. I would think that just as prayers of thankfulness have a positive impact on and form our soul (as written by Gary Thomas in Sacred Influence), then dwelling upon the unpleasant aspects of a person would likely have a negative impact on at least our feelings toward that person.
In other words, by focusing on the good, we are more likely to see the good. However, if we focus on the bad, eventually, that may be all we ever are able to see…
My choice is…
I guess it really does boil down to each choice we make throughout the day. That seems like a very overwhelming concept – the idea that even one choice can change the course of events (remember The Butterfly Effect?!?). But, it can. For me, the only way I can think of to help me not overthink all decisions to the point of immobility, is to remember what Jesus said about the two greatest commandments in Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV).
- Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind.
- Love your neighbor as much as you love yourself.
He told us that by following just these two commandments, we would – by default – be following ALL the others.
I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if I love God with all that I have, and I love those around me as I have been commanded to do, not only will my marriage be in the running of a Guinness World Record, my friendships and all other relationships I have will be so wonderful and rewarding.
So, in the end, I choose to obey.
I choose love.
Your thoughts?
What do you think? Is it a choice to continue a friendship and a marriage? I would love to hear what verses you find on this topic. I can’t wait to hear from all of you!
