Last weekend, Brad and I were asked to participate in a parenting class at church. The topic was Parenting Elementary School Children with a focus on relationships. We are definitely not experts on the matter. But, as we have one who has passed that stage, and one almost through, we certainly have experience!
When Brad and I first started talking about what we wanted to share, he immediately came up with the title, The Calm Before the Storm. I thought that was absolutely perfect. In elementary school, our kids still accepted us as the authority figures, and there really wasn’t that much backlash. Not that it’s been easy easy, but it hasn’t been as difficult as other stages have been and those I fear are coming…
We came up with a few goals we had for our parenting our children in this elementary age range.
1. Open Communication
2. Love up on them
3. Help them establish habits
Parenting with Open Communication
Since I have limited time today, I’m going to focus on open communication. (Otherwise, I think I could go on for hours about goals we have for ourselves as parents!) When I started thinking about all of the things we focus on, this is really the foundation for every other parenting goals we have…
Communication has always been of utmost importance for us. From the time the kids were little, we would tuck them in at bedtime. Brad would go to one child’s room, and I would go to the other. Then, after a while, we switch rooms. Doing it this way works out really well as it gives us the opportunity to check in with them individually and see what’s going on. It was during these snuggle sessions that we started having more in-depth one-on-one conversations with our kids. (And, it was also the time for Brad to teach them great mental math strategies and establish number sense at an early age – ever the teacher!)
This nighttime routine really helped establish the idea that it was normal and good to talk about anything! To this day, we still snuggle. And, if we’re late getting up there, we get plenty of reminders…
We talk, we laugh, we share gratitudes, (remember my Gratitude Jar post?), and we pray. But, mostly, we just talk. We talk about anything from the crazy weather, (um, it snowed today – May 1!!!), to relationships – and everything in- between!
And, when they don’t really feel like being super open – we ask a TON of questions! You know how it is when you ask your kid how their day was – it’s always, “fine.” Well, that’s not really saying a lot! So, we have become expert questioners. (Maybe are just gaining skills for our next careers with the CIA…)
Then, (the hardest part of parenting for me), we listen. Now, I’m pretty sure Brad has a better handle on these skills than I do, so I definitely can’t speak for him. But, I know I have to remember to stop talking in order for them to have a chance to answer!!! This was something that was really reinforced lately when I went on a date with Spencer. (You can read about it in my post, “What I learned on a date with my son.”)
Apparently, we taught them some manners, because they won’t jump in and answer my rapid-fire questions while I’m still talking! I’m counting that as a parenting win. But, I am working on increasing my wait time to allow them time to process and actually respond…
And, then – no matter what our kids say – I need to keep my patience and my emotions in-check.
Love in Parenting
This reminds me of how Paul defines love.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
I know this is probably the most common scripture reading at weddings, but I believe it really applies to parenting as well. After all, I know I need patience sometimes when talking with my kids. Not only when they are slow to talk or share what’s on their minds, but also when they share something I really didn’t expect – or maybe didn’t even want to hear…
It is not easily angered…
Be careful what you ask for, right? There are times when I hear something that really stops me in my tracks. And, then, as soon as I can breathe again, I make sure my poker face is in place… Then, I will ask some follow-up questions. After all, maybe I jumped to a conclusion before hearing the whole story…
Regardless, I know that if I overreact to the small things now, when the kids get older, and things become more serious and carry greater consequences, they won’t come to me then. So, I need to keep this verse in my mind and my heart whenever I climb the stairs to snuggle.
Other Parenting Goals
There are many others that we aim for and continually fall short of. Like I said, we are definitely not experts on this topic. But, the more I study out verses and talk with those who have gone before me, the more I learn and the better I hopefully am becoming.
On my list of books to read is 5 Love Languages, and I just noticed there is also The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively. (I’m so adding that one to my list…)
While I do not have either of those yet, I recently purchased The Love Languages Devotional Bible, during a massive sale at a local bookstore. (I went a bit overboard, you can read about that in my Gluttony post…) I’m planning on using The Love Languages Devotional Bible to learn more about the love languages. I’m pretty sure mine is physical touch, so that could really help us with another parenting goal of loving up on our kids! I’ll keep you posted…
Your thoughts?
What are some of your parenting goals? What verses have given you encouragement or help with raising your kids? I would welcome any suggestions or things that you have tried that have worked well! I can’t wait to hear from all of you!
