This morning, I read a devotional by Donald Miller. It’s entitled, Scary Close – Reflections for Finding True Intimacy. He talked about being a perfectionist. This is something I have struggled with my entire life. That internal drive to have everything just right- perfect. But what does that look like?
At times, it can push me to my limits – and beyond – until I am so exhausted, I just can’t do anymore. Then, other times, that drive paralyzes me, and I want to just crawl into bed and wish it away. Either way, it ends in me accomplishing nothing, and the results are the same.
Granted, when I go at Mach 10 and get a million things done, (just right), I feel super productive and am pleased with my accomplishments. But, at what cost? And, more importantly, why? Why do I feel that intense NEED to have that perfection?
Be Perfect?
This powerful desire to have everything perfect, and to be perfect, is utterly exhausting. There have been times when I have wondered if it’s a real problem. As in – one I should seek help for. Because, when things don’t go as I think they should, or how they have been planned, it can be a bit depressing.
I get super critical of myself and feel as though I should be able to get everything done – perfectly. It can be a true downward spiral of self-degradation and the feeling of defeat.
But, I am not perfect.
I need to accept my flaws. After all, God does. He did long ago.
Instead of seeking professional help at this time, I’m going to my life manual.
God’s View of my Perfection
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8 NIV
God knew of my imperfection yet He still sent His son to die for me. He knew I was going to fail. God saw my flaws and loved me anyway. Why is that so hard for me to accept? How come I can’t follow His example?
Brad often says to me that our reactions to circumstances are directly correlated to our expectations. I completely agree.
On those days when I have a grand plan of all of the things I am going to accomplish, and something goes awry, I am disappointed. I had expected to get my whole list done (and maybe even more). Instead, I got a call or text from one of the kids needing me to bring something to school. Or, things take much longer than I had anticipated, and I wasn’t able to get through my list.
Those days, my expectation of perfection wreaks havoc on my self-esteem. I end up feeling less than and can easily fall into that spiral to depression.
So, what then? How does one break that cycle?
Set realistic expectations.
After all, it’s not like nothing got accomplished during the day. Brad won’t love me less if I still have one load of laundry to do. The kids won’t think less of me if I wasn’t able to dust, or vacuum, or…
God won’t love me less, either.
God knows and loves me – despite my imperfections
But now, this is what the LORD says– he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
isaiah 43:1 NIV
As God said to Jacob, He knows us. We are His. The hairs on my head are numbered (Luke 12:7). If He knows every fiber of my being, surely He knows my flaws and shortcomings. And, if all that is known, and He loves me anyway – even when I don’t get through my list – then shouldn’t that be enough?
Absolutely.
The Process
For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
Hebrews 10:14 niv
Who are BEING made holy. It is a process. I can’t wake up one morning and snap my fingers and POOF! my need for perfectionism is gone. This is something that might take a while.
But, I can take comfort in knowing that God sees me as perfect.
Even though I fail.
The problem really is that I am sinning. It is my pride that fuels my need for perfectionism. Whenever that kicks in, my sinful nature is at work. My need to make everything perfect is truly a way for me to appear perfect.
And clearly, I am not!
I am so thankful God sees this as a process. Although I truly believe HE could immediately take my desire to be perfect away – POOF! – he is forming and molding me into the person He knows I can be.
isaiah 64:8 niv
Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
What I learned, and am still learning…
So, once again I hear Brad. My expectations are that I can immediately rid myself of this desire for perfectionism. But, I will be disappointed. God is shaping me. Through this process, I will learn to be more patient and humble. Better able to accept my shortcomings and flaws.
As Donald Miller wrote in his devotional,
Those who can’t accept their imperfections can’t accept grace either.
DOnald miller – Scary close
Once I can accept my flaws and imperfections, I can receive God’s grace.
What a gift.
Your thoughts?
Do you struggle with the need to be perfect? What verses do you find help calm that nagging voice in your head? I would love to hear what you cling to when perfectionism hinders your actions and tries to drag you down. I can’t wait to hear from all of you!
