With Valentine’s Day coming, (and the abundance of ads for chocolate and flowers), I started thinking about love. In my first post of this series, Love on Valentine’s Day?, it hit me that I wasn’t really against Valentine’s Day – I was just saddened by the idea that this ONE day was singled out to show love to those around you.
I also know there are different types of love that one can experience for different people at different times in their lives. Whether it be for family members, friends, spouses, etc., LOVE isn’t simply just love.
In my last post, στοργή Love – It’s All Greek to Me, I shared what I had learned about Storge love – the affection and bond that exists between members of a family or group of people. I feel like that is a great starting point and foundation for other types of love. I am so grateful God placed that type of almost automatic love in our hearts. The ability to be able to connect with others and feel that bond of love and unity is truly wonderful.
But, as I learned, Storge love doesn’t always stop there. In some instances, it progresses and changes into something called Phileo love.
Phileo (Φιλία) Love
The second form of love in the Bible is Phileo. This refers to friendship or brotherly love. It is more like the type of love you would have for non-family members with whom you are very close. I liken this to the love I have for my best friends and brothers and sisters at church. There is a deep affection, but we aren’t blood-relatives.
I went back to CS Lewis’s YouTube video in which he describes Phileo in detail. Again, I appreciated the depth of his explanation. It was interesting to note that this love is not really essential. While it can bring happiness and fullness to your life, it is not necessary for survival. And, because it is not a biological necessity, it is the least natural of the loves.
But, on the other side of that, Phileo love is the least jealous and least selfish of the loves. You just want the best for your friend. There is no competition for a mate, or for anything else. Instead, you give of yourself because you deeply care for that person.
Instant Phileo Love
I think of 1 Samuel when David and Jonathan met.
After King Saul had finished his conversaton with David, David met Jonathan, the king’s son, and there was an immediate bond of love between them. Jonathan swore to be his blood brother, and sealed the pact by giving him his robe, sword, bow, and belt.
1 Samuel 18:1-4 LAB
There have been times when I have just met someone, but I felt as though I had known them for years. We just clicked! I imagine it was the same with David and Jonathan.
Throughout the books of 1 and 2 Samuel, there are many displays of the Phileo love between these two men. Jonathan continuously stood up to his father, King Saul, on David’s behalf. He gave David information that helped him escape and saved his life numerous times. Every time they needed to say goodbye, there were tears. They genuinely cared for and loved one another.
When David learned of Jonathan’s death, you can feel the depth of his emotion:
How I weep for you, my brother Jonathan;
How much I loved you!
And your love for me was wonderful
Passing the love of women!
2 Samuel 1:18
This is true friendship. David and Jonathan loved each other as brothers. They went out of their way to help and protect each other. They gave of themselves without expecting anything in return. It was completely unselfish.
Unlike Storge love, which develops over time through common interests, Phileo love seems to be one that occurs between people who are attracted to each other for one reason or another and they become fast friends.
Phileo according to Strong
Once again, I got out my Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible: With Greek and Hebrew Dictionaries. (If you’d like, you can get a similar one here.)
Φιλία Phileo – from Philos
To be a friend to (fond of [an individual or object]), have affection for (denoting personal attachment as a matter of sentiment or feeling: while Agape is wider, embracing especially the judgment and the deliberate assent of the will as a matter of principle, duty and propriety: the two thus stand related; the former being chiefly of the heart and the latter of the head.
A lot of words there…
In short – Phileo is love from the heart.
What I learned, and am still learning…
The biggest difference between Storge love and Phileo love:
Phileo love is a choice.
A while back, I wrote a post entitled, Is Love a Choice? In it, I wrote about the choice we have in whether we love someone or not. While that was more about looking past others’ flaws, it still relates to Phileo love.
I can have Storge love for someone – that’s how God wired me to be. If they are my family or people I spend a lot of time with, it is going to happen. But, to have Phileo love, that is my choice. It requires action and effort to maintain a good friendship. A voluntary act – it is my choice whether or not I open myself up and invest in that love.
I pray I always have the courage to do so. Then, there would never be a question of who I am.
By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.
John 13:35 NIV
Your thoughts?
Stay tuned for posts on the other two types of love in the bible – Eros and Agape. I am learning so much about love and how it is woven throughout all of our relationships. I would love to hear your thoughts! I can’t wait to hear from all of you!
