I don’t know why, but sometimes depression hits me like a ton of lead. I can be going along quite nicely, and then – BOOM! Completely incapacitated for a few minutes, hours, or days. I’ve tried to notice patterns in the onset. Maybe a specific recurring event that triggers it, or maybe the weather. But, I can’t always seem to put my finger on the ultimate cause.
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A few days ago, I went grocery shopping. Not seemingly a monumental occasion. But for someone who hasn’t been able to go for months, it was a pretty big deal!
After I came home, I shared with Brad how awesome it was just to be in a store. Just to wander through the aisles and browse through all the choices… I wanted to buy everything I saw and stock up our pantry.
Thankfully, I maintained some self-control and didn’t drain the bank account – but I sure could have…
That small trip to the grocery store was something that resembled my life before my back problems. It was a life in which I accomplished tasks and felt productive. A life that felt easy and comfortable. It has been so long since I have had those feelings – so long since I have been able to do the normal things I used to take for granted.
My goal is to never do that again.
