Growing up, our birthdays were often extended to at include least the week – if not the month!  So, when Brad told me he was taking me out to dinner for my birthday the weekend after my birthday, it didn’t strike me as anything out of the ordinary.

He was really excited about it, and I had just chalked it up to a new place we were trying, and maybe some time away from the kids.  Until we pulled up to the restaurant and I saw a familiar face through the window.

He got me good.

It turns out, he had contacted some of our friends and they were all waiting at the restaurant to surprise me! What took place that evening was one of the most fun and laughter-filled dinners I have had in a VERY long time. It was so nice to be surrounded by friends and feel accepted and loved.

Needless to say, I have thought about that night quite a bit over the past few days.  And the thing that keeps coming back to me is – what a wonderful and amazing husband I have! (I will definitely keep this in mind for when I am searching for my any possible thing!)

The bible has a lot to say about marriage including how we should think about and treat our spouses.  After reading through as many verses as I could find, I kept thinking back to Ephesians 5.  In this chapter Paul laid out many instructions on how Christians should live, but he specifically wrote about husbands and wives in verses 21-33.

 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her                            Ephesians 5:25 (NIV)

I always feel loved by Brad, but this weekend he definitely demonstrated what I think Paul was trying to convey.

But, here’s the thing – Jesus was Jesus, and Brad is a regular guy.  I certainly don’t expect Brad to put me first at all times and give up everything for me.  But, the tricky part becomes not placing too high of expectations on Brad. Once again, he is a man, and Jesus was Jesus.  That is just unfair on so many levels.

This really hit home for me as I am reading the first book on my list, Sacred Influence, by Gary Thomas. He actually devoted a section to dropping unrealistic expectations.  This can be a real game changer.

One of the points that Thomas makes is that a husband will not meet 100% of a wife’s needs.  In fact, he goes on to say that a husband probably won’t even meet 80% of what his wife anticipates!  Imagine if we expected our spouse to meet 100% of our needs at all times?!? It just isn’t possible.

Not only is it impossible, but it is completely unfair of me to hold Brad to that standard!  Just as I know he couldn’t reach that, I know I couldn’t reach it either! It would be hypocritical of me to place the bar that high for my husband, but ask him to hold me to a lower standard.

Because of this, for my next birthday, I definitely won’t expect Brad to surprise me with a restaurant full of friends, or buy me an extravagant gift.  By having more realistic expectations of my husband, I know he will appreciate having less pressure placed upon him because I am treating him like a man and respecting him for who he is – not comparing him to Jesus and holding him to a level that is completely unattainable.

I would love to hear your thoughts on what you expect of your spouse. What verses have you found that help you find joy in your spouse and shed the unrealistic expectations? I can’t wait to hear from you!